Last month we celebrated V(2)’s 2nd birthday. It was a simple little family party, but I loved it. Her first birthday we were living in Austin and away from family. Maybe it’s from that but there is nothing like celebrating with the people who truly love your children!

And celebrate we did; I’m not exaggerating when I say there is something so special about this girl!

We got everything ready with balloons, banners, hats – all that good stuff.  Then turned up the music and waited for the family to show up. Our little girl had a great time and loved all the fuss. It was a wonderful day and so perfect for her!

The only little kink to work out during the day was how D(4) responded to things.  He had been playing in his room while we got the house ready and then, when preparations were complete, I called him out.  He had been singing ‘Happy Birthday’ all morning and talking about birthday cake almost constantly.  I truly thought he would enjoy and participate in all of the fun.

Instead we had one of those moments only Autism families can truly understand.  He came out and said, “No! No! No!” and threw himself on the floor crying, overwhelmed by all of the change.  At first I was shocked… and then I went right into a “Duh” moment.

He loves music and to dance, so I thought it wouldn’t bother him. But it wasn’t just music.  It was balloons and decorations and ultimately people and change.  It was all too much and majorly overwhelmed him.

I tried soothing him and showing him it was fun, but he was adamant about escaping back into his room. I decided to let Henry have his space, while pulling him out from time to time for bigger moments. (i.e. a few presents and The Cake) It’s a tricky balancing act celebrating with one child while comforting another and trying to have some resemblance of meaningful family time.

But I think we did okay.  The day was about V(2) and she had lots of fun.  I would have loved for the whole family to be able to participate enthusiastically, but that rarely happens even in neurotypical homes… so it’s fairly easy for me to let go of that little thought.

At that moment I was grateful to have a heads up that he might need a very low-key party for his own birthday.  Initially, I was thinking of inviting the other kids in his class, but after V(2)’s party thought Noooo way would that be a good idea.

Things for his day got scaled down immediately. It would also just be family, but quieter… and with less decorations.  Got it. I thought and scored one up for me.

Fast forward to when he woke up on the morning of his birthday.  Dave and I thought it would be fun to sing Happy Birthday to him, because… you know, it was his birthday. We opened the door and D(4) looked up from where he was playing and we started in with smiles…”Happy Birthday to you….”

He couldn’t handle it.  He ran to his bed saying “No!”, curled up into a ball and covered his eyes.  My heart sank when I saw his little quivering pouty lip from under his arm.

Damnit.

He can’t even handle that amount of change?? *sigh*

We stopped sining, said everything was okay and told him we were having bacon for his birthday. (his favorite) That he understood and off we went to warm up the griddle.

Again, it is probably for the best.  Now I know I need to take a couple extra steps to prepare him for his birthday party. Perhaps make a social story or maybe whip up a schedule… or both.

Anyway… I think it’s a sign of what our life is going to look like… a little dance.  Sometimes us changing to meet his needs, especially when he’s younger, but in the future he’ll surprise us with moving forward.  Delays, progress, falters and steps… Back and forth it will go – A family adapting.